happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
