I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Terrible idea I love it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
