I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
