Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
