i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
