Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
