Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
