At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
