So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
