She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
