He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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