Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
