The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm both gender and math confused
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
