I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
