you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
