i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
