Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
