Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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