if i can run in heels then i can drive
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
