Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
