No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
