The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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