White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
