Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
