im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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