I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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