you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
