Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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