I'm really into asian looking animals
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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