I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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