six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
