i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
