your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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