Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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