I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
