you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
