wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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