honey bunches of taint.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
