I never want to see another naked old woman again.
smell my finger.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
