Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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