I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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