Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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