Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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