You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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