I wish I could punch you in the face.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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