I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my liver is dry heaving
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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