It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
