She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
