2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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