The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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