Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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