I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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