Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
