dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
