He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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