My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
