it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
