i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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