Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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