How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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