the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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