ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
