I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
