This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
